One on one cyber chat
And if you're not willing to make the investment, go to a cam-girl site and pay to play instead.
Because I've been an observer but not sexually active online for the past few years, I called up Kirk (not his real name), an administrator in an adults-only webcam community.
It's true that cybersex is not for everybody, and it can be emotionally dangerous even if you're not in a committed offline relationship and risking infidelity.
Some cyber partners even end up leaving the virtual space to get married. But it still irks me that it's such a shock when I explain that having sex online does not mean it's your last resort.
I've never found that to work."In other words, don't be put off by a tightly knit community where everyone seems to know each other, where the inside jokes and innuendoes fly around as you attempt to introduce yourself.
If you're respectful and patient and smart, you'll become a part of it sooner than you think."I enjoy the power trip (of being an admin)," Kirk says, laughing.
If you do fall ass over teakettle for someone you meet online, Kirk suggests confining the "honey baby sugar darling" talk to private sessions.
It kills the mood if you toss too many endearments around in public, and mood is very important in adult chat.
What people don't realize is that it's hard to find good sex online if you're a woman, and hard to find sex at all if you're a man.
Throughout our interview, I notice that he often uses the word "play" to describe what people do while in the room.
That's not a term often associated with depression or obsession, two conditions in which you forget how to play.
It sounds harsh, but it's what keeps a core of 30 or more regulars returning to the room, week after week."Women have told me they like to come to our room because we don't mess around," he says.
Getting booted is not the end of your cybersex chances.
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Some rooms warn you first."Not everyone uses a webcam during chat, while others – especially couples – connect their home video cameras to their computers and provide the highest quality video."It's really nice when the couples are on cam together," says Kirk.