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I was thunderstruck that it felt so much like my falling in love with my wife, yet it was much more passionate.I can admire an attractive woman with a nice body, but I no longer think I have to bed her like I once did." For this man, the dissonance between who he was and who he wanted to be had became too powerful to contain.I recently had a conversation with a married man who described himself as bisexual.I asked him if his attraction to men and women was equal. I then asked, "How do you commit to one person if you must give up 50 percent of who you are?" I was accused of being a poor scientist and unfamiliar with the literature on bisexuality. One bisexual man wrote that a bisexual could be any of the following: That is a very large umbrella.I could cop out and say that labels are useless and this discussion is meaningless, but labels are essential for research and important for the development of a sense of belonging.
Bisexual activists and the MSM themselves often use "bisexual," but many of these MSM have not found the peace and freedom that comes with the congruence of attraction, behavior, and identity.For them, being a man still means being a husband and father while anything else is deviant.Following Stonewall, the homosexual community adopted the word "gay" as a term of self-affirmation.He agreed that he was sexually attracted to men but socially attracted to his wife.Another gay man who once had considered himself bisexual said, "I struggled with loneliness and a lack of emotional connection to my wife.